1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,040 This programme contains very strong language 2 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,720 People have this image of scientists as antisocial, rigid and autistic. 3 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:09,760 - But I am. - You're autistic? - Mm-hm. - Of course. 4 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:12,000 I'm pretty sure Declan is too. 5 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,720 - I'm engaged! - To who? 6 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:17,000 - Ranesh. - The TikTok advertising man with the concave arse? 7 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:19,560 It's just a rustic peasant dish that I picked up 8 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:21,760 during my summer in Firenze. 9 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:23,840 Mum and Dad are not going to be happy about this. 10 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:26,000 We're so happy about this! 11 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,720 What did I miss? 12 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,400 - Evie's going bankrupt Mum and Dad. - What else is new? 13 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:34,040 - AMERICAN ACCENT: - There's a new coffee sheriff in town. 14 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:36,680 I like to give people a chance. 15 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:39,080 Nina, will you be my maid of honour? 16 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:44,440 Yeah! Yeah. 17 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,240 So it's funny because the title is a pun. 18 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:53,240 So, it's not M-A-I-D of honour. 19 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:54,560 It's M-A-D-E of honour 20 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:57,200 because Patrick Dempsey's made to be the maid of honour. 21 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,320 - Ooh, Patrick Dempsey. - Get a bucket and a mop. 22 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,840 - BOTH: - Aaah! 23 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:06,080 The baby blues, am I right? 24 00:01:06,080 --> 00:01:08,160 HE SLURPS 25 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:09,560 Anyway, the reason I bring it up is 26 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:11,120 because last night I had an epiphany. 27 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:14,240 Yes, when you asked me to be your maid of honour, I was shook. 28 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:17,640 But then, I thought, if Patrick Dempsey can do a good job 29 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,400 for the first half of the 2008 romcom Made Of Honor 30 00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,480 before he ruins the wedding, then so can I. 31 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,880 OMG! There she is! 32 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,880 SCREAMING 33 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:28,200 - You invited her?! - Yes. 34 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,680 - It's Mad Amber. - Oh, it is just Amber now. 35 00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,120 Because mental health is...no joke. 36 00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:36,200 This is a girl who made a shrine to you in your first year of uni, Evie! 37 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,920 It was a friendship collage, and she's not like that any more. 38 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:41,840 Look! Oh, my God, Oh, my God, Oh, my God! 39 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,720 THEY SHRIEK AND LAUGH 40 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:47,360 Babe, you look un-fucking-real. 41 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:51,120 - Amber, you're literally the hottest thing in Glasgow right now. - Stop! 42 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:54,600 You both look exactly how you always look every time you see each other. 43 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:57,120 Ranesh. You're smaller in real life. 44 00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:00,800 Hi, Nina. Congrats on being Evie's "moh". 45 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,080 Oh, I'm not Evie's ma. I'm her sister. 46 00:02:03,080 --> 00:02:05,280 No, not ma. Moh. 47 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:07,880 - Moh? - M-O-H. Maid of honour. 48 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:10,199 You'll get with the lingo eventually. 49 00:02:10,199 --> 00:02:13,560 It's OK you didn't ask me to be MOH, Evie. 50 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:15,280 After eight tries as MOH, 51 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:20,120 I'm actually so relieved to just be a bridesmaid this time. 52 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:22,720 AMBER LAUGHS 53 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,320 So, are we set on a plan yet? 54 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:26,600 Plan? 55 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:29,280 Ranesh's Dad, Sachin, is coming to town this weekend. 56 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:33,520 And I, for one, can't wait for him to break bread with my sweet lady 57 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,200 and meet the family. 58 00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:38,960 And we'll share the happy news! 59 00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:42,160 Wait, you've not told him that you're getting married? 60 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:46,360 - It's been a week. - You can't just drop a bomb like that, Nina. 61 00:02:46,360 --> 00:02:48,280 Especially not to someone like Sachin. 62 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:51,240 Basically, Neens, Dad isn't super easy to talk to 63 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:52,880 and down to earth, like me. 64 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:55,480 I mean, I totally get his vibe but other people, 65 00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:57,640 well, they find him a little intimidating at first. 66 00:02:57,640 --> 00:03:01,760 Which is totally funny to me because I don't find him scary at all! 67 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,480 - Hmm, you do a bit. - A little bit, yeah. 68 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:07,840 Sachin is a very well-respected art critic. 69 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:10,360 He can kill a show at Art Basel with a single look. 70 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:12,840 Dad actually exposed the Wynona Gallery 71 00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:15,600 for displaying a fake Kandinsky. 72 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:17,040 We need to impress him. 73 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:19,280 Yeah, we need to razzle-dazzle him. 74 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,920 Oh, we don't razzle nor dazzle, we're Scottish. 75 00:03:21,920 --> 00:03:24,680 Let's just take him to Mum and Dad's and feed him lasagne. 76 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,600 Or drinks at Scribble! 77 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:28,760 Oh, my actual God! Yes! 78 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,160 It's the place Amber works. It's perfect! 79 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,560 It's the most chic bar in Glasgow, Ranesh. 80 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,079 Papa will be delighted. 81 00:03:35,079 --> 00:03:37,520 I've recently been promoted to deputy manager. 82 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,680 Ha! Glass ceiling - who? 83 00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:41,680 Amber, that's such amazing news! 84 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,840 It's a huge responsibility. 85 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:46,000 Of course, of course. 86 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:51,600 So, we all just have to put forward the best version of ourself. 87 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,800 Then, once he likes us, we will tell him we're engaged. 88 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:59,760 So, no in-jokes, no swearing and no personal stories... 89 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,240 ..especially those that involve my heavy drinking. 90 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:03,920 So to impress this man, 91 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,600 we're all just going to pretend to be people we're not? 92 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:07,880 - Yeah. - Mm-hm. I do it all the time. 93 00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:10,520 And we're going to just keep doing that for ever and ever? 94 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:12,600 At the wedding, every time we see him, 95 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:15,760 Christmas, Easter, all the major holidays, until he dies. 96 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,519 Like we're a big fake Kandinsky? 97 00:04:17,519 --> 00:04:20,000 - Exactly! - You got it! - Yeah! 98 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,040 What about "you do you"? 99 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:29,200 CORK POPS 100 00:04:36,159 --> 00:04:38,080 Oh, it's so good to have a coffee 101 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:40,800 with all my favourite people before starting the daily grind. 102 00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:43,680 Evie, your eyeballs are all trembly. 103 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,680 You look like an anxious chihuahua. Is everything all right? 104 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:51,880 I know Ranesh seems like this gorgeous devil-may-care hunk, 105 00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:55,000 but he's always been really desperate for his dad's approval. 106 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,440 He even does this... 107 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:58,440 - DEEP VOICE: - ..fake low voice when they talk 108 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:00,120 to each other on the phone. 109 00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:03,200 - NORMAL VOICE: - So, if Sachin doesn't approve of the engagement, 110 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:06,880 I'm really worried that he's going to call off the whole wedding. 111 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:08,880 I didn't tell you this before, 112 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:12,600 because I knew you'd get all judgy, but Ranesh has a... 113 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:16,360 ..history of impulsive romantic decisions. 114 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,040 No? 115 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,320 He was catfished by a woman called Sandra, OK? 116 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,560 But the police said the case was so elaborate that it could have 117 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:25,400 happened to literally anyone. 118 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,240 So I'm really worried that he's not 119 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:30,160 going to be 100% on board with us getting married so quickly. 120 00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:32,600 He might have a point. 121 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,360 Look, I know that you think we're completely off our heads, 122 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:38,320 but ever since Ranesh proposed to me, 123 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:42,120 it's just been this really special thing that's just for me. 124 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,240 And everyone's really proud of me, and I've never had that before. 125 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:48,120 So I just want us to get married as quickly as we can 126 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,960 so I can hold on to that feeling for as long as possible. 127 00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:55,920 SHE SIGHS 128 00:05:55,920 --> 00:06:00,200 But, ideally, we would ease him into this, you know, 129 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:04,240 take our time getting to know the family, meeting Mum and Dad. 130 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:05,800 And you need a TED talk 131 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,600 and three manuals before you speak to Mad Amber. 132 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:12,000 True. But Sachin is in Glasgow for one night 133 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,040 and one night only on his way to Berlin. 134 00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:18,000 So we have this one casual drinks at Scribble 135 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,680 to make him like me, meet his whole extended family-to-be 136 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:24,400 - and convince him that we are nothing like Sandra. - I will.... 137 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:28,400 I will channel our romcom lord and saviour Patrick Dempsey, 138 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:32,120 and I will make sure everyone is on their bestest behaviour. 139 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,080 - And just one other wee thing. - Mm-hm? 140 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:40,400 You know that refreshing, freewheeling honesty of yours 141 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:42,800 - that we all love so much? - Mm-hm? 142 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:45,720 I'm not asking you to change it, 143 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:49,480 but could you cover it for the night? Maybe? 144 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:52,000 Do you want me to catfish Ranesh's dad? 145 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:54,880 Yes. 146 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:57,040 Urgh, fine. 147 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:00,840 Aww, thank you, Nina. 148 00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:02,880 - Mm-hm. - Best maid of honour ever. 149 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:05,840 That's cos you've got nothing to compare me to. 150 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:17,400 We need a name for our extra foam latte. 151 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:21,960 - Any takers on the name yet? - No. 152 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:24,200 Well, no, there's one suggestion. 153 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:27,920 But, er, it's mine and it's shit. 154 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,960 Foam Alone. 155 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:34,040 So, if you build it, they will come. 156 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:37,360 You know, you don't need a jazzy name. Your coffee speaks for itself. 157 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,800 Mmm, in an ideal world, yes. 158 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:44,520 But we all have to dress ourselves up a bit to get on in life, 159 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:47,240 - don't we? - You sound just like my sister. 160 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:52,200 Hmm, her, erm, concave-arsed fiance, was he the worst man in the world? 161 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,800 - Currently living? - Mm. - Then yes. 162 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,040 Oh, no... 163 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,840 Anyway, she wants us all to put on a mask and pretend to be 164 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:03,120 something we're not to impress his dad. 165 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:07,160 - Because he did a show on Art Basel. - What's that? 166 00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:08,760 I have no idea! 167 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:11,960 But I've been down that road before, pretending to be something I'm not. 168 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:15,000 I tried for years to be normal and I just came off as more weird. 169 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,200 I'm the girl who spent her adolescence 170 00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:20,360 trying not to be autistic. It wasn't as fun as it sounds. 171 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:24,080 I get that. When I was 16 I blacked out at a house party 172 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:26,360 and my mates set fire to my pubes. 173 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:29,320 I had to pretend that I was, like, raging and embarrassed 174 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:32,280 but they didn't know that I'd only just started growing pubes, 175 00:08:32,280 --> 00:08:34,080 like, three weeks before that. 176 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,840 So I was just buzzin' they knew I had them to begin with. 177 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,400 I'll never forget that smell, though. 178 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:45,560 Anyway, erm, ach, maybe it's just about being, like... 179 00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:48,400 ..like the best version of yourself, you know? 180 00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:52,560 Like, if I was ever to meet your parents, 181 00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:55,040 I'd want to make a good impression. 182 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,880 As your hot drink technician. 183 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:01,240 I mean, my drinks are hot. Not me. 184 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:04,880 Thank you. 185 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,000 My pubes grew back! 186 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:10,400 Sorry. What... What can I get you? 187 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:13,440 - Can I have a flat white and a biscotti, please? - Yes! 188 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,880 PHONE BEEPS 189 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:49,120 Did everyone see? Dr Catherine Dunne posted a vacancy online 190 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:52,120 that's getting the Dinosaur gang hot under the collar. 191 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,480 Yeah, I've always thought Dr Dunne was a bit overrated, 192 00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:57,040 - for what it's worth. - Apart from the fact that she discovered, like, 193 00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,520 the first armoured dinosaur in 130 years, yeah? 194 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,600 She turned me down for a job once. 195 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:06,680 Anyway, look at me now. I've got a corner office and my own toilet. 196 00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:08,600 You only have your own toilet cause none of us 197 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,240 want to go in after you, Shane. 198 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:12,880 You know, you've really got to be a performing monkey 199 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:16,800 if you want to get anywhere as a palaeontology media type. 200 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,760 And I wasn't prepared to do that. 201 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:22,000 No, not even for a guest spot on In Our Time with Melvyn Bragg. 202 00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:24,960 Disguise can be a bitter fruit to chew. 203 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,160 SQUELCHING 204 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:46,680 You wore it! You look like a goddess! 205 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:49,400 I look like I'm in a militia! 206 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:52,240 Ranesh and Evie are over there. I'll sort the drinks. 207 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:59,160 Nina, you look so chic. 208 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,400 That's right, I've buttoned into my military-grade jumpsuit 209 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:03,320 and buckled in for the Operation Dad meet, 210 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:06,040 so don't worry, there will be no radical honesty from me tonight. 211 00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:09,000 - Perfect. - Except, am I allowed to tell the story about the time 212 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,680 you shat yourself in Zante wearing wee white hot pants? 213 00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:13,160 Nina! 214 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:14,640 Seriously, though, do not tell him 215 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:17,080 - that I had to repeat second year of uni. - I wasn't going to. 216 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:20,320 Or let Dad get drunk and go on and on about his furniture shop. 217 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:24,200 - Oh, God. - What? - Dad's teetotal. He gave up a few weeks ago. 218 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,960 And you let us plan a casual drinks gathering? 219 00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:29,920 Oh, my God! What was I thinking?! 220 00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:31,920 This has nothing to do with anything, 221 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:33,640 but is that a cowboy hat or a trilby? 222 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,240 I told you, it's not 2005! 223 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,760 He's here. 224 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,560 Dad... 225 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,440 Dad? 226 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:52,200 - His glasses are really small. - Don't say anything. 227 00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:54,160 I know, but I really want to. 228 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:57,320 - May I introduce mon amour? - That's French for love. 229 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:04,120 Well, that was practically Masonic. 230 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:05,920 I'm Nina. 231 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:08,920 - Nina. - Can I take your jacket? - I'll, er, keep it on. 232 00:12:08,920 --> 00:12:11,960 - So have you come very far? - From where I started, I would say so. 233 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,600 - Oh, cool. Cool, cool, cool. - Incredible! 234 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:17,960 - I just love art. - It brings people together. 235 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:22,160 Well, that's a naive statement. Art is a corporate entity these days. 236 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:25,880 Well, look at us. All standing together. 237 00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:28,080 It's nice, standing, isn't it? 238 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:35,040 Just standing and talking and thinking and feeling and... 239 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:36,600 Yeah. 240 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,760 - Can I... Can I help you? - I'm Amber, Evie's best friend. 241 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:44,000 - I'm the deputy manager here. - Great. Get me a soda water. 242 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,560 Are you sure? We've got this lovely cherry cremant... 243 00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:48,360 He wants soda water, Amber! 244 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:52,720 So, Papa, have, erm... 245 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,360 - Oh, my God. - ..have you been busy lately? 246 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,160 Busy is a very bourgeois concept. 247 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:01,240 - What is Mum wearing? - Don't worry about it, I'm going to sort it out. 248 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,640 Ahem. Excuse me, gentlemen, I'm going to go away and then, 249 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:06,600 at some point, I shall return. 250 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,440 So, keep on being you two. 251 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:11,800 Shall we? 252 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:19,400 Wow, this bar! Must be quite a stimulating space for you, Nina. 253 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:23,280 Mm-hm. Did you two not get Amber's 12 emails about how to dress chic? 254 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,680 - No, no, we did! - Do you like my new shawl? 255 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:27,440 I'm currently not allowed to be myself 256 00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,160 so I can't tell you what I think about your ugly shawl. 257 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:33,280 The lady in the shop said Helen Mirren has the same one. 258 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:37,160 - Oh, I love Helen Mirren! - Ick, Dad! You look boiling, Mother. 259 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,720 Would you like me to take your horse blanket to the cloakroom? 260 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:42,720 No! I bought it especially. After a lot of discussion, 261 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:46,400 we decided this was definitely chic, without being too... 262 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:47,720 ..mother-of-the-bride. 263 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:51,320 Uh-uh, remember, we're going to get Sachin to like us and then tell him 264 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:54,120 about the engagement, and then we're going to tell him about the wedding. 265 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,280 - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The big reveal! - Indeed. 266 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:59,040 Also, just so you know... 267 00:13:59,040 --> 00:14:01,280 - ..he's posh! - Ooh! 268 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:03,560 No. I mean, English posh. 269 00:14:03,560 --> 00:14:06,440 Ah... I get it. 270 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:09,040 - Mm-hm. - So we have to be less... 271 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:11,400 - ..you. - Cool. - Less. 272 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:14,320 - Is it cool? - Yeah. - Are you sure? 273 00:14:17,120 --> 00:14:19,040 CLATTERING, GLASS SMASHES 274 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,720 Yes, Chef! 275 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:25,680 - But I'm only leaving cos I want to. - Bo! 276 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:27,640 Nina! 277 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:30,520 What were you doing in the kitchen? Is that Mezcal? 278 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:32,400 - I know what that means. - No... - Mm-hm, 279 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,440 it means you've had a fight with Hilda! 280 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,920 She's always trying to change me. But, listen, 281 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:41,960 it is different this time, cos I told HER where to go. 282 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,360 - Wha-a-at?! - It's not different, it's the same! 283 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,680 You have a fight with Hilda, you get off your tits on Mezcal, 284 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:49,360 and then you become a liability. Why have you done this tonight?! 285 00:14:49,360 --> 00:14:51,920 You always told me to speak my mind! 286 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:53,920 I do say that a lot. 287 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:57,120 - Is his dad here yet? - Yes. And he has the world's tiniest glasses 288 00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,080 and I'm not allowed to talk about it. No! 289 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:03,040 - Let me at him. I'll be a right charming bastard. - Absolutely not. 290 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,840 I don't care, Gina, I'm not your therapist. 291 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,680 Amber! Amber! 292 00:15:10,680 --> 00:15:11,960 I'm on the clock, Nina. 293 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,240 Amber, my brother is very drunk and you need to sober him up. 294 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,640 Do not let him out of your sight. 295 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:20,680 Please help me, Amber. You're my only hope. 296 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:23,120 Fine. 297 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:25,600 - If you really need me... - Great. 298 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:28,760 Did you watch the Rangers and Celtic last night? 299 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,080 Erm, no. 300 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,520 Here, you must be an important cunt 301 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:35,800 - because I've been told not to tell any of my good stories. - Dad! 302 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:38,920 Ach, he knows I don't mean anything by it, don't you, pal? 303 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:42,000 - Sachin is a well-respected art critic. - Oh? 304 00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,960 - He can kill a show at Art Basel with a single look. - For my sins. 305 00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:48,360 ENGLISH ACCENT: Art Bas-il? I love it there. 306 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,400 - Basel. - English accent? What the fuck? 307 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:53,200 - It's not what it used to be. When did you go? - Erm... 308 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:57,200 Well, I mean, I, er... I meant to go. 309 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,240 Adrian is something of an artist, Dad. 310 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:04,440 - Oh? And what is your medium? - Benches. 311 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,840 That's unusual. What does your work say? 312 00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:09,320 Well, Sachin, when my furniture starts talking to me, 313 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,920 I know I've inhaled too much varnish. 314 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:15,080 Rein it in! What are you working on, Sachin? 315 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:18,240 Well, I've become quite interested in decoupage in recent years. 316 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,560 Well, life begins at 60. 317 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:22,000 I'm 51. 318 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:28,000 So, decoupage is, erm... 319 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:29,320 Erm... 320 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,720 Evie, I need to go to the bathroom 321 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,480 and I struggle with all the buttons on this big boiler suit. 322 00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:39,240 - Will you come with me, please? - Uh-huh. - OK, awesome. 323 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:48,520 Oh, no! No, no, no! 324 00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,800 NEAR—SILENT SCREAM 325 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:57,400 Evie! You need to pull yourself together. 326 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,000 I can't. I can't. 327 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,920 It's too much, it's too... 328 00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:04,200 The handshake! I shook his thumb! 329 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:07,760 I shook his thumb! Nina, who does that!? Do you think he noticed? 330 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:11,640 - Yeah, I think he probably did. - I'm normally so good with parents! 331 00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:13,720 And what is going on with Mum and Dad? 332 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,760 Evie, I have not mentioned that man's tiny glasses one time, 333 00:17:16,760 --> 00:17:18,400 and it is all I want to do. 334 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:22,520 We have put our personalities in a box, aside, for you, 335 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:26,440 to impress this man. Now if I can do it, and I'm literally autistic, 336 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,520 - then you can do it. You've got this. - I can do this. 337 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:33,080 - You do this. - I can do this. - You can do this. 338 00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:35,720 There is nobody better at being fake in a social situation 339 00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:37,160 than you, babe. 340 00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,520 - Thank you, that means a lot. - You're welcome. 341 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:43,160 Where's Bo? 342 00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:46,640 - He had a fight with Hilda. - Oh, my God... - No. Don't worry. 343 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:49,160 Got it all under control. I'm holding down the fort. 344 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,880 - Everything's going to be fine. - Yeah. - We're going to go back in there. 345 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,400 - We're going to get a round of drinks. - Yeah! 346 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,240 You're going to take it in the dick, not literally, 347 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,800 cos we'll get arrested. We're going to knock 'em dead. 348 00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:00,080 - Come on! Yeah. OK. - Let's do it! 349 00:18:00,080 --> 00:18:02,280 OK, here we go, she's a raging bull! 350 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:10,040 Can I get another round of drinks, please? 351 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:12,480 - Where's Bo? - Peek-a-Bo! 352 00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:15,960 Oh! You let him behind the bar? Amber! 353 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,240 I've got it under control, you silly goose. 354 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:21,520 If you're going to be Evie's MOH you have to chill out. Here. 355 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:24,560 Have some of our cherry cremant in a special baseless glass. 356 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,600 Fuck me, Nina, this is brutal. 357 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:36,640 I mean, none of my bench stories are landing. 358 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:42,880 - Is this lighter fluid?! - No, it's cherry cremant. 359 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:46,200 - How can I be someone else? This is all I've got. - Just do what I do. 360 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,040 Just take all of your bad feelings and thoughts and push them down 361 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:50,760 into a little ball in your stomach. 362 00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:54,200 Like, I think about Sachin's tiny, tiny glasses, just push it down. 363 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,560 And then when I get home, I scream into my pillow. 364 00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:01,560 - Oh? Is that what you were doing in your bedroom? - Yes. 365 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:04,400 - If that fails, just agree with him. - With everything he says? 366 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,480 - Even if I don't agree? - Mm-hm. Just tilt your head and smile 367 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,640 and say, "I agree." Men love it when you do that. 368 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:15,320 - All right. - And fix your tie. You look like a pervert professor. 369 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:21,480 Well, yes, this generation is impulsive. 370 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,080 - I always say it. - Very impulsive, this generation. 371 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:29,640 I completely agree with you and I was about to say that same thing. 372 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:33,920 But it can be good to be impulsive...sometimes. 373 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:38,600 - Follow your heart. - Oh, come on, Ranesh. Use your critical faculties. 374 00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:41,240 It's this sort of thinking that got you catfished. 375 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,520 Sandra said she really needed that small business loan. 376 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:46,240 It's all this living from one dopamine hit to the next. 377 00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:49,000 One dopamine hit to the next. Exactly. We always say that. 378 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:53,320 - Don't we, Di? - Good heavens, yes! Heavens! Heavens! 379 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,440 - Taking the plunge. - Walking on a knife edge. 380 00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,160 Exactly! What's the need? 381 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:02,120 - No need. - No. No need. 382 00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:04,920 Anyway...Ranesh? 383 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:07,560 Yes, yes, so... 384 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:12,080 ..Daddy, Evie and I, we've got something we'd like to... 385 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:14,560 ..tell you... 386 00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:22,280 - We went to London! - The big smoke. - He took me up the Shard. 387 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:25,160 And we went to the Tate Modern. Art! 388 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:29,840 Erm, we saw the one with, erm, the lines and the...the colours... 389 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,040 It was the...the...hmm? 390 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,760 The Rothko! 391 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,840 It's called The Rothko. 392 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,200 Was that it? 393 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:43,440 I mean, I thought for a second you were going to tell me 394 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:45,640 that you were engaged. 395 00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:54,640 Oh, I wouldn't put anything past Ranesh. 396 00:20:54,640 --> 00:20:58,840 Six weeks and then engaged. Ha! That would be...that would be wild. 397 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:06,000 I thought I was a Gemini, but I think I'm on the cusp of Taurus. 398 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:09,320 - Wait, what's that new one they invented? - Jellyfish. 399 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:11,440 People call me that all the time. 400 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:13,720 I sting people if they get too close. 401 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,720 Hilda's a Gemini, but I'm a Scorpio 402 00:21:20,720 --> 00:21:25,720 and they're, like, incompatible with Geminis, so she made me a Libra. 403 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:30,000 Fuck that! Fuck changing ourselves for love. 404 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,760 - We should live our truth. - Live our truth. 405 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:37,040 Yeah, break away from the binds of tradition, like Malala before us. 406 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,240 Or Harry and Meghan. 407 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:42,520 Wait. We've also been banished by your family. 408 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,880 Forced to live in the shadows. 409 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:48,200 But we will not stand for it any more. Evie needs me! 410 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:51,160 Let's Megxit those dobbers. 411 00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:52,840 You are so funny. 412 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:56,320 Evie never told me she had a brother. 413 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:57,960 A big brother. 414 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:06,400 - Such an interesting job you have, Sachin. - It has its moments. 415 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,720 - Bo... - Oh! - Oh, my gosh! 416 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,520 - What is he doing? - I told Amber to look after him! 417 00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:14,480 We're not going to be in the shadows any more. 418 00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:18,600 The Big Cheese. I'm Bo. I'm Evie's brother, 419 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:22,000 but she probably hasn't said that cos she's embarrassed of me. 420 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:25,440 I'm so glad you two have finally met. 421 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:30,160 Bo, why don't you go and sort yourself out? 422 00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,480 I'm fine. I'm just... 423 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:37,440 - SLURRED: - I'm just feeling a bit... worse for the wear. 424 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:40,200 I had a...a fight with my girlfriend. 425 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,040 You know how it is. She's a bit... 426 00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,080 But don't worry, Evie, 427 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:48,400 I won't invite her to your big wedding next month. 428 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:52,320 - Fuck's sake! - What? What wedding? 429 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:55,400 - Oops. - Dad, we, um, we were going to tell you. 430 00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:59,280 - Something to celebrate? Cremant? - He doesn't drink, Amber! 431 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:02,000 Oh! My white shirt! 432 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:05,360 - Salt! - Enzymes! Enzymes! White wine! 433 00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:07,280 Fuck's sake, dab it! 434 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,560 - Dab, dab, dab. - Get off me! 435 00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:13,880 Who are you people? 436 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,200 - Right, well, I'll just... - No, wait! 437 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:21,480 Erm, if you want to know who we are, 438 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:24,720 Mum isn't English. 439 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,560 Dad sells garden furniture. 440 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,880 Bo... Well, Bo's always like that. He's very damaged. 441 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,760 And Ranesh doesn't wear cowboy trilbies. 442 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:35,920 And Evie is my sister. 443 00:23:35,920 --> 00:23:40,600 And she's a really great and thoughtful and creative person. 444 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:44,160 And she once shat her pants in a nightclub in Zante. 445 00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,000 And they were white hot pants and Mum tried to get them clean 446 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,280 using baking soda but she spread it everywhere 447 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:52,200 and it was such a mess and I'm not supposed to tell that story. 448 00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:55,320 I don't know why, cos it's a fun story and it makes me happy 449 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:58,960 to tell it. And we have spent this entire evening pretending 450 00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:02,320 to be people we're not, to try and get you to like us, which doesn't 451 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:07,840 make any sense because you're not very nice and I need to know... 452 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:10,720 ..why are your glasses so tiny?! 453 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:25,920 Well, I, um... 454 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:29,040 - ..I think they make me look more interesting than I am. - Oh. 455 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,720 Oh, well, fair enough. 456 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,280 Thank you for your honesty, I guess. 457 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:39,440 You know, er, 458 00:24:39,440 --> 00:24:41,920 I once shat my pants at the Biennale. 459 00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:43,800 LAUGHTER 460 00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:48,840 It was everywhere! 461 00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:52,320 I don't actually work here! 462 00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:01,000 - Well, son, congratulations are in order. - More cremant? 463 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,040 LOW CHATTER 464 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,080 Oh, hi! 465 00:25:33,520 --> 00:25:34,600 Oh! 466 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,400 - I just bashed my coccyx. - What? 467 00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:41,320 Er, I just... Well, no, it's... 468 00:25:44,360 --> 00:25:47,360 I was thinking about your double foam latte name. 469 00:25:47,360 --> 00:25:50,240 Oh, jeez. That. 470 00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:51,760 Foamward Bound. 471 00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:57,760 Foam... I like that. That's, er, that's fun. 472 00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,840 - I know. - The rest were just... filth. 473 00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:08,040 I know you said that we have to dress up to get along, 474 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:11,640 but dressing up only works for a wee bit of time and then... 475 00:26:11,640 --> 00:26:14,040 Then you just have to be yourself, you know, you can't... 476 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:15,560 You can't hide who you are for ever. 477 00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:19,400 You can't go about catfishing people for the rest of your life. 478 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:22,200 I think you should be honest off the bat. I think straight away 479 00:26:22,200 --> 00:26:25,920 you should say, "I'm weird," and not pretend. 480 00:26:25,920 --> 00:26:27,840 Yeah. 481 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:34,400 So, do you want to go with me to get a not hot beverage 482 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,240 at some point soon? 483 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,400 A cold beverage? 484 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,280 Yes. 485 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:43,800 Wow! 486 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:46,760 Erm...well, yeah! 487 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:49,640 - Yeah, OK. - OK. 488 00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:52,320 Wow! Let's do it! 489 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:56,320 Cool. 490 00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:58,560 Oh... 491 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:19,080 MUSIC: Sun Behind The Storm by Robin Adams 492 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:25,920 beaten by the weather 493 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:30,640 494 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:35,960 495 00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:41,280 sun behind the storm 496 00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:46,520 497 00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:49,360